I’ll usually give anything the benefit of the doubt based on its own merits, though I’m no stranger to the rose tinted glasses of nostalgia clouding my thoughts on updates or remakes, I can usually put any niggling frustrations aside.

Until Michael Bay made the following statement about the upcoming Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie he’s producing:

“When you see this movie, kids are going to believe one day that these turtles do exist, when we’re done with this movie. These turtles are from an alien race, and they’re going to be tough, edgy, funny and completely loveable.”

The key phrase here is ‘from an alien race’. No Mr Bay, they’re not. I was a huge Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles fan growing up – I had all the figurines, all the archie comics, all the trading cards … hell, I even had all the collectors coins from the newspsper. So I’d like to vent my frustration (surely that’s half the reason of having a blog) and articulate why this is one of the worst ideas I’ve ever heard (this rant is very similar to the Joaby inspired one I did on this week’s Game Arena Podcast, if you want to listen to the same points drunkenly verbalised).

TEENAGE

teen•age?[teen-eyj] of, pertaining to, or characteristic of a teenager.

One of the most important recurring themes from the original Eastman & Laird comics to the most recent CGI movie is that of adolescent change. They deal with all the insecurities and issues associated with that of regular teenagers, heightened by the fact they are outcasts wanting to be accepted by society. It’s one of the reasons they were so relatable to people like me when I was a teenager, going through similar scenarios.

Making them aliens has the potential to eliminate that which made them relatable in this respect, unless the alien civilization they grew up on had identical sociological teenage issues.

MUTANT

mu•tant?[myoot-nt] a new type of organism produced as the result of mutation.

Although they slightly varied from comics to movies, the origin story is consistent on one fact: that the characters were originally normal turtles that were mutated via some sort of ooze. This exposure gave them more physical human like qualities (ditto for Splinter) as well as increased intelligence. This is a fairly fundamental origin story, changing it is akin to suggesting Harry Potter’s parents were aliens from outer space.

NINJA

nin•ja?[nin-juh] a member of a feudal Japanese society of mercenary agents, highly trained in martial arts and stealth (ninjutsu),  who were hired for covert purposes ranging from espionage to sabotage and assassination.

Ninjutsu is a style of martial arts originated from Japan. Not an alien planet.

I know, I know, I’m squabbling with the realism of mutant turtles learning a martial arts compared to an alien race picking it up, but dammit it’s still an Earth based style of combat!

TURTLES

tur•tle?[tur-tl] any reptile of the order Testudines, comprising aquatic and terrestrial species having the trunk enclosed in a shell consisting of a dorsal carapace and a ventral plastron.

They’re god damn turtles. Not aliens. You know, those Earth based creatures that can disappear inside their own shells. They’re Not Aliens.

Just change the name of the new movie to ‘Ambiguously aged extra-terrestrial non-specific martial arts capable turtle like aliens’ and be done with it.

There’s precedent for almost every new game, making it easily relatable to a previous title. “It’s a cross between Grand Theft Auto and Bomberman” or “the puzzles of Tomb Raider with the graphics of Halo”. You know what I mean.

So when a game comes along that’s difficult to compartmentalise into existing genres, it’s exciting because you genuinely don’t know what’s going to happen next.

Journey is the new game available via the Playstation Network, developed by That Game Company (whose previous standout titles include Flower and Flow). There is no interface, no dialogue, no intro movie, and no tutorial. It is some of the best level design I’ve ever seen, because it leads you through the game without having to tell you where to go.

Perhaps the most unique aspect is the co-op multiplayer component, something I didn’t even realise the game offered until another character the same as mine appeared about 10 minutes into playing. At first I thought it was an NPC, designed to help me navigate some of the puzzles in the game. It wasn’t until the character started following ME, and doing distinctly non-NPC movements that I realised this was another person, also travelling along the same path as me.

Together – with no ability to communicate outside of occasional pulsing blips – we followed and lead each other through some of the most sublime and touching environments I’ve ever seen. The titles is appropriate in every sense of the word, and while this journey will only take you 3 to 4 hours to complete, the last perilous steps towards the inevitable goal and the elated final sequences are nothing short of epic.

After the credits roll you’re shown a list of PSN gamer tags, the identities of your companions along the way. I decided to add them to my friends list, and sent messages thanking them for the experience. The responses I got back were written in Japanese. What an awesome example of gaming transcending language and cultural barriers.

So why are you still reading this? Go download and play the game already!

Not reputable. God no. Just established

One of the highlights for myself and Matt was starting off a regular gaming podcast, back when podcasting was a fairly new thing in 2006. We did over 200 of the suckers, or to put it another way – over 4 years of having to talk to each other EVERY SINGLE WEEK.

I kid, I kid, Matt is one of my best mates. It’s just that we hate each other.

That’s probably why it works.

At it’s peak, we were the number #1 gaming podcast on iTunes, and had around 30,000 listeners every week. That’s alot of people listing to myself and Matt talk shit for half an hour.

Anyway, the Mana Bar and moving to a different state kinda put an end to anything regular, and in the last year we’ve perhaps only done a dozen or so of the podcasts since.

That’s all about to change, as we’ve made a committment to be back and drunker than ever with the NEW Australian Gamer Show! Which, to be fair, is pretty much the same as the old one except with the word ‘NEW’ in the title.

So go subscribe on iTunes and see what all the fuss is about, and post any feedback or questions over on the Australian Gamer forums.

Like the idea that a videogame bar is only full of young spotty faced male virgins (spoiler: we get more girls in our bars than guys), speed dating’s stigma seems to completely miss the mark.

Let me backtrack though. Years ago I wanted to host a Speed Dating night at the Mana Bar, except instead of just throwing couples together at random tables I thought to get them playing a game together for a short period of time. 7 minutes at Wii Sports? Mario Kart? Guitar Hero? I think you find out a lot about a person depending on how competitive/cooperative they are when playing multiplayer games.

I had planned to go speed dating under the pretence of ‘research’, but due to the decision to open the second bar in Melbourne, the whole idea took a bit of a back seat.

The concept of going speed dating stuck with me though. I was intrigued.

It wasn’t until I recently moved state (again) that the idea resurfaced, only this time I actually decided to follow through. Predominantly because I want to try and expand the friends I have in Sydney outside of the gaming industry (I miss Brisbane sometimes), combined with the fact I haven’t traditionally dated anyone in years, and also because I like the idea of doing things that might put me out of my comfort zone.

And so it was, on a Saturday night I found myself in a trendy restaurant/bar in the city, clipping on a nametag and going on a series of 15 dates.

So let’s breakdown some misconceptions shall we?

All of the women were lovely. All of them. As far as I could tell, there was no-one particularly crazy or completely off the rails, the only ‘date’ coming anywhere close to a speed dating parody was an Asian girl who was constantly on her mobile, apologising as she had to respond to work messages.

I’m not exactly an anti-social person at the best of times, so all the conversations flowed quite naturally, though at a much faster speed. Some conversations leaned towards the typical ‘what do you do’, ‘where are you from’ questions, but the majority felt more like I was bouncing around from table to table chatting with people at a large party. The best conversations were the ones that didn’t really seem to be about anything in particular.

At the beginning of the night you’re given a sheet where you write the name of each person, and in the tick box choose ‘yes’ or ‘no’ depending on how your 7 minutes went. If you both ticket yes on each other, the speed dating company will send you both each other’s contact details to go from there. I think it’s generally accepted that you shouldn’t be too obvious filling these in – or accidentally leaving your sheet behind as you moved on. Like I did.

Did I mention the night also offered unlimited sparkling white wine?

By the time I got round to girl number 15 (another first timer), I was well and truly sloshed, and we spent most of our 7 minutes summing up the whole experience to each other, laughing and being generally stupid. We both ticked yes.

The only concern in my eyes is from the other side – one of the guys I briefly spoke to during the mingling before the event started was a seasoned speed dating veteran. He gave a whole bunch of tips regarding what you should and shouldn’t say, and indicated at that point which girls in the room he’d be ticking yes to. My only solace was that any of the ladies in the room would be able to pick this guy as a douche well within the 7 allocated minutes.

Overall, I had a really fun night, and based on the responses I got I’m looking forward to adding some more friends to my Sydney social circle.

The big drawcard was Bioware Lead PvP Designer Gabe Amatangelo who had flown out to take part of the launch and was available for interviews with media and a Q&A session with the local community.

Now I have some friends who have obsessively been playing The Old Republic ever since EB Games decided to start selling imported copies earlier this year, though I try my hardest to stay away from MMO’s since there are things I want to actually get done on a daily basis.

That being said, it’s hard not to get a bit excited after watching the intro cinematic movies they showed at the event.

There was a nice smattering of local media represented, and later in the evening when it opened up to the community some of the Star Wars costumes were damn impressive.

I think I spent most of the time eating pizza and trying to guess how valuable the beast of a projector in the middle of the room was.

I did get some hands on time with the game, though it’s hard to really gauge what an MMO is like during a short play through without any context. That said, after talking to Dan Chiappini (GameSpot AU) we might be getting a group together to give it a go.

Good times were had by all, and the event was a nice transition into casual drinks with ex-THQ PR Manager Alan Moore who was in town for some drinks down the road later in the evening.

Some more photos from the event below, or as always check out the MCV Pacific facebook page for the full album.

I knew very little about the band itself (growing up Christian I tended to avoid bands with a crossed out crucifix as their logo for some reason), except that they had been around for ages and some of their songs were featured in Crazy Taxi. Truth be told I know very little about punk rock in general having always leant more in the trance/techno direction. Sure, I’ve been to a bunch of music festivals, but even they couldn’t prepare me for the mosh pit at a Bad Religion gig.

I’ve always associated mosh pits with violence, aggression, ripped t-shirts and blood noses, all of which I found out to be true. What I didn’t realise is no-one holds any malice; none of the people there are actually looking to hurt anyone. It was one of the most cathartic experiences I’d ever had, and by the end I felt like I’d learnt a few of the general rules of mosh pit etiquette.

1. Push, shove, grab – but don’t swing.

Making physical contact with others in a mosh pit isn’t just incidental, its encouraged to the point where people seek it out. The guy thrashing to your left, you are completely justified in grabbing him by the shirt and pushing him into the middle of the crowd as hard as you can. This kind of movement requires a certain amount of momentum build up first; just make sure you’re not swinging your arms around in a punching fashion, or you might actually hurt someone.

2. Picking up the slack.

You will fall over. There’s no way to avoid it, at some point you’ll trip over and find yourself in the most dangerous position of all – lying down in a mosh pit. What I witnessed whenever I saw this happen however was the best example of the attitude of the moshers (moshee’s?) – anyone surrounding that person would immediately grab an appendage and pick that person back up, make sure they’re ok with a pat on the back, and then shove them as hard as they can.

3. There will be blood.

Or there may not be. There was for me, a misplaced elbow clocked me right in the nose, which made my face all numb and red stuff dribble out of it for a time. Think of it like a tame version of Fight Club, and try not to get it on anyone else.

4. Don’t go easy on me, I’m a girl.

I expected testosterone filled skinheads and shirtless tattooed nutjobs, what I didn’t expect to see in a mosh pit were girls. Generally there are more parts to a girl that tend to be off limits unless you’ve already bought her dinner, but in a mosh pit it can be kind of hard to avoid. This is a trap, as soon as you start thinking these thoughts you’ll find yourself getting shoulder barged by the very girl you were so concerned about touching a second ago. Gender is irrelevant in the eyes of the almighty mosh.

5. Smile.

The most important rule, anything goes in a mosh pit, but smile when you’re doing it. The first time I was violently pushed, I turned to face my attacker and found him smiling and yelling at me. Not in a mocking or insulting way, more if we were friends that had just shared an awesome bonding moment. Which is when I realised that’s exactly what had happened.

So I pushed him right back.

And smiled.

I finished playing through Uncharted Golden Abyss yesterday, and while I’m not about to review it (reviewing games is a slight conflict of interests for me these days), I did want to address what I’ve recently noticed to be a big sticking point with a lot of people who have and haven’t played the game.

Namely the interactive Vita elements integrated into the game.

Some examples include:

• Rubbing the screen to get a charcoal rubbing impression on a piece of parchment.
• Using the back touchpad to rotate an item to view it from all angles.
• Touching the screen to interactive with weapons, items, environments.
• Quicktime events that require slicing movements across the screen.
• Using the accelerometer to aim more precisely.
• Using the gyroscope to balance while walking along thin platforms.

As is the case with any new system that wants to showcase their fancy new hardware, some of these elements work, some don’t, some are gimmicky, some are inspired.

For example; walking across a thin plank of wood prompts an indicator that forces you to rotate the Vita left or right in order to balance Nathan Drake. Sure, I’ve used this mechanic on other systems before. What doesn’t make sense is that it only happens when ¾ of the way across the obstacle, to which is stops the character progression until you’ve gone through the alignment.

Rather than complimenting the action, it detracts and slows down the gameplay.

On the flipside, when using the zoomed in sniper rifle I’m able to physically move my Vita around to change my aim, allowing a much more refined control than the right joystick. Practically every sniper shot was a headshot because of this, and it was a nice touch that I really enjoyed.

New control mechanisms are fine in new hardware, it’s just the new games shouldn’t feel the need to show off ALL of them.

Really though, in the end these issues don’t even matter. Uncharted Golden Abyss is exactly what I wanted from a title in this series, and the extra controls are incidental enough not to detract or enhance to any significant degree.

What do you guys think?

Plus there were some fantastic Mass Effect cosplayers at the event!

Still a bit dusty from the Vita event the night before, the media part of the evening kicked off at 3:30pm in the afternoon. Complimentary drinks were thankfully on hand to take the edge off.

It’s important to note that I’d never played either of the previous Mass Effect games, and I really wanted to get some hands on with the 3^rd game to see what I thought of it from a newcomer’s perspective. You can read my preview over on AustralianGamer.com.

Sorry, sorry, did I mention the Mass Effect cosplay?

Yeah, ok, I’m done now.

EA also had Robyn Theberge, Associate Producer for BioWare out to do interviews, as well as the local Iron Monkey guys who were showcasing the iOS version of the game – Mass Effect Infiltrator.

At 6:30pm the event opened up to community members that had been specifically invited, kicking off plenty of prize giveaways.

I bailed not long after, as the hair of the dog wasn’t working well enough to keep the evening hangover at bay.

This was the beginning of a very long Mass Effect week of events for the local EA guys, so huge props to Snez, Jiggsy, Kirsty, Jodie, and the rest of the team for pulling off a fantastic event!

Check out some more photos below, or head over to the MCV Pacific facebook page for the full gallery from the night!

Also invited were a bunch of Aussie developer friends that I haven’t caught up with in way too long, including Tony Reed (GDAA), Shainiel Deo (Halfbrick), and Ross Symons (Big Ant). A casual pre-drinks kicked off at the Opera Bar, and the mere presence of these guys brought out a bunch of people who weren’t even going to the Vita event, including the always elusive Souri (Tsumea), industry legal guru Josh Cavaleri (Tress Cox), and the development team from the newly established Halfbrick Sydney offices.

Continued ‘we should pace ourselves’ reminders were dutifully ignored, as the pre-party merged into the main event around the other side of the Opera House. There, the rest of the industry was gathered as water taxi’s started ferrying groups off the mainland. The event location consisted of two boat/barge thingys, one that accommodated all the guests with an open bar, comfy beds, a graffiti friendly wall, and PlayStation Vita booths with the new system playable. The other was an elaborate stage setup for the inevitable presentation.

As for the PlayStation Vita itself, I got my hands dirty with a few rounds of Reality Fighters by super imposing a captured photo of my face onto one of the characters and fighting a few rounds using the augmented reality features. A cool example of the device, but like almost everyone else – Uncharted Golden Abyss is what I’m hanging out for, and I didn’t want to spoil it while half cut on a boat!

I got me a PlayStation Vita now though, so I’ll post up some thoughts later this week – anyone else feel free to add me via PSN: YugSTAR.

As the sun melted over the waves, Sony Computer Entertainment AU Managing Director Michael Ephraim took to the stage to thank everyone for coming and go through the details of the system launch. Of particular interest to me was the announcement of local developers who are creating games for the platform including Nnooo, Tantalus, Big Ant, and Torus. Will they just be doing ports of their current titles, or do they have something new up their sleeves?

Slightly rough weather preceded a live (for the most part) performance by Empire of the Sun along with a pretty fireworks display, though by this point it was almost impossible to stand up straight due to the combination of boat rocking and complimentary drinks.

Overall it was a rad event, surrounded by friends and peers in a picturesque location and doing what I love doing most – playing games and drinking!

A final note should be given those strong willed individuals who kicked on with us once back upon dry land, where Shainiel and I felt it necessary to represent the Brisbane contingent and show the locals how to REALLY kick on … much to the detriment of everyone the next day.

More photos below, or check out the MCV Pacific facebook page for the full gallery!

As you can obviously see, I let her win at Mario Kart. Right? It’s obvious, just like this feature filmed for Channel 7 for Mana Bar Brisbane the year before, where I let the cute reporter girl win at Wii Sports.

Am I going to have to keep losing casual Wii games to pretty reporters every time we open up a new Mana Bar?